Termination Notice

“Thank you for coming. I know it’s lunchtime and you’re hungry but this won’t take long. No, really. You can actually go ahead and clean out your desk. Here’s a box. I know it’s falling apart but so is this company every moment you’re here. We’ll all be happier. Well, maybe not you because you’ll be broke – but the rest of us – we’ll be happier. I’ve got big plans. I’m going to hire someone who does what they’re supposed to. I mean, sure, they’ll probably fuck off on facebook or twitter all day and you don’t do that – but, let’s face it – it’s only because you don’t know how to use a computer. Please don’t cry. I know, the job market is tough right now, especially for someone with limited skills and zero follow through. But, hey, look at the bright side – you get to enjoy the summer. Oh, right, it’s almost over. Yeah. I don’t know what to say about that. Here, wanna borrow my tape?”